7 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Dating Life Without Realizing It
Dating isn't easy. It's a perilous process that requires you to balance the feelings of two separate people, often requiring you to be your best self while still being subject to everything else that goes on in your life. While there's little that can make dating easier, there certainly are things that can make dating harder. There are certain methods of self-sabotage that are common among the single population, methods of preventing relationships from forming that are done subconsciously. If you are having trouble finding (or keeping) a partner, you might want to think about the messages you're sending. If you can recognize these subtle types of sabotage, though, you may be able to prevent yourself from engaging in negative behaviors. The key, as always, is knowing yourself well enough to look at your own behaviors critically.
If you're interested in getting your dating life back on track, you may wish to look at the the seven ways that you might be sabotaging your dating life without realizing what you're doing.
1 - Failing to Be Open
It's always important to ask yourself if you're actually looking for a relationship. If you are open, you have to put in at least a little effort. Many people complain about not being able to get a date, all while closing themselves off to dating opportunities. If you aren't using dating apps, going to singles groups or going places where other single people mingle, you aren't actually putting yourself in a position to find a partner. If you aren't taking the actions that can actually make you open to a relationship, you're actively sabotaging your dating life by inaction.
2 - Having Unrealistic Expectations
It's always good to have expectations. It is not, however, realistic to hold your dating life hostage until you can find a person who checks off all the boxes on a superficial list. You should absolutely look to be with a person who fulfills your needs, but you shouldn't stop yourself from dating because someone doesn't seem to be absolutely perfect on first glance. Unrealistic expectations are common stumbling blocks in the way of finding great relationships, especially for those who might otherwise find a fantastic match.
3 - Not Marketing Yourself
Dating is, in many ways, a marketing proposition. You are trying to convince another person that you're worth their time and effort. Unfortunately, too many people simply assume that any potential partner should love their flaws just as much as their strong points. In reality, successful people try to market themselves to their partners by showcasing their strengths and shoring up their flaws. If you aren't putting your best foot forward, you aren't going to be able to get a date. Failure to market yourself correctly to partners is a good way to ensure that you won't get a date in the near future.
4 - Following Outdated Rules
It's astonishing how some 'rules' of dating have persisted well past their expiration date. Despite the fact that society has changed, some people manage to sabotage themselves by following outdated dating rules. One individual may, for example, refuse to call a person in whom he or she is interested just because that person isn't expected to make the first call. Another person might decide that it's inappropriate to express his or her true feelings because a certain date hasn't passed on the calendar. If you want to avoid sabotaging your dating life, you'll need to let go of outdated superstitions and pointless rules of “etiquette”.
5 - Underestimating Your Appeal
Being humble is a good thing. So is being realistic about your own flaws. What's not terribly appealing, though, is being constantly down on yourself. It's often said that it's impossible to expect someone else to love you if you can't love yourself, something that's got a kernel of truth in it when it comes to dating. If you look at the dating world as one that's going to constantly reject you, you'll be putting off a vibe that will cause people to do just that. You have to have a certain reasonable level of confidence about yourself to make yourself appealing to others, so make sure that you're able to build up at least a little bit of an ego if you want to find a partner.
6 - Assuming the Worst
It's very easy to assume the worst of people. Creating a negative mindset about your potential dates is a good way to sabotage yourself before you ever walk out the door. When you assume that every date is going to go poorly or that your potential partner's automatically going to treat you poorly, you're setting yourself up for failure in the dating arena. It can be hard to let go of a negative mindset, but it's a necessity for anyone who wants to have a successful relationship. While you should never be blind to the actions of a potential partner, going into the dating world with a positive attitude is usually the best way to find romance.
7 - Giving Up Too Easily
It's important to note that many people give up on dating far too easily, often failing to push forward in their attempts to find romance far too early. This is not to say that you should try to pursue a relationship with someone who is clearly uninterested, but rather that you shouldn't let your poor experiences with one or two people put you off the idea of dating altogether. Once you embrace a defeatist attitude, you'll find it harder to motivate yourself to start dating again.